i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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