mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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