you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize