i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
