I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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