Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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