Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
