No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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