Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
