tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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