do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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