ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Can I color on your dick again?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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