Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
