Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
