I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
