just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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