He disabled his match.com account in front of me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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