She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
