I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so explain again why im purple
no
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
