I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
