Me. At least after what I've been through.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
