I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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