sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
