saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
