Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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