dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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