The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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