...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
