You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
