Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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