You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
