you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
