I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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