matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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