quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
