i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
