soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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