I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
