TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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