So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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