can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
