THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
