did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
