I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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