dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
