life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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