We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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