Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
