So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
