Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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