So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
