I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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