good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
