I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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