I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
this will be a night to untag.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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