dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
