Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
