Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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