I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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