Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
