im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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