6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
