i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
