i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize