so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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