I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
