We're facebook friends in real life
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
