You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
