When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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