My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize