One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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