So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
