I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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