mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
