It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
