weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sext me about skeletons
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
