Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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