that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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