dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
