OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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