i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
