My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
