her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
