He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Randomize
