it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize