Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
