At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
