I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
