you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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