Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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