After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
