There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
