whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
