I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
