Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
