Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
