If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
