if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
